Our New Roommate Herbert
by Sonata Rapp
Summary: Roger brings home a new roommate and Mark hates everything about him, especially his beady red eyes. That's all I'll say here. Written for Tina's Challenges number 11.


It was early on a Friday morning and Mark was already up. Roger had spent the night at April's house and Collins was at MIT. They weren't speaking to Benny, and he had no clue where his girlfriend Maureen was. So in other words, it was a normal day in the loft, and Mark was the only one home. He decided to take advantage of this and go out to do some filming. It was a brisk October Friday so he put on his jacket, wrapped his scarf around his neck and headed outside.

Nearly three hours later he let himself back into the loft, his cheeks a rosy red from the wind outside. Roger was lying on the couch playing with something that was on his chest. "Hey Mark." He greeted his best friend. "Enjoy your filming?"

Mark scowled at him. "Why is it that every time I come in from outside, you guys automatically assume that I was out filming?" he demanded.

Roger smirked and pointed at the camera bag that was dangling from Mark's shoulder. "So I was thinking that we need a new roommate now that Benny the Bastard is gone." He remarked. "I think I might have found one, he can't pay us anything though."

"We should just let April move in for that." Mark retorted. "She's here enough, and she doesn't pay."

"But he's already here, and I can't just send him away." Roger whined. He stood up, cupping his hands to his chest.

"What are you talking about? There's no one here." Mark asked in confusion. "Rog, you're not resorting back to the imaginary friend Blake days are you? I thought we left that back in fifth grade."

"Ha ha." Roger replied dryly. "Look do you want to meet the little guy or what?" Before Mark could answer, Roger had walked closer to him and held out what appeared to be a giant white rat.

Mark screamed and jumped back. "What the hell_ is_ that?"

"He's not a thing Mark." Roger said and pulled the animal back to himself. "This is Herbert; he can be our new roommate."

By this time, Mark had retreated all the way to the other side of the room. "Where did it- he come from?"

"He's April's little brother's pet. Or he was. His mom is making him give him away, so he gave it to me. Isn't he cute?" Roger grinned and rubbed the animal against his face.

"Stop doing that!" Mark ordered. "Rat's have all kinds of diseases and rabies and they're just gross."

"I think he's cute." Roger said matter-of-factly. "And he's not a rat, he's a guinea pig."

"Whatever." Mark answered, sounding a lot like his girlfriend. "Look at his little red eyes; they look so evil. God Roger, make him stop looking at me!"

Roger rolled his eyes. "Come on Herbert." He said to the guinea pig. "We're not wanted here. Let's go in my room and we'll wait for Marky's girlfriend to get here. Then we can scare the shit out of her."

Mark shuddered as the two went into Roger's bedroom. He doubted very seriously that Herbert would scare Maureen, but at least the rat was out of _his_ hair. He sat down and got to work editing his newest footage.

A little while later Maureen came skipping into the loft. "Hey Pookie!" she said happily and planted a kiss on her boyfriend's mouth. "What's going on?"

"Um," Mark mumbled, turning bright red. "I'm editing my footage and Roger's in his room playing with his pet rat."

"That's no way to talk about April." Maureen said with a giggle. "I'm going to go greet him."

"Knock yourself out." Mark replied and went back to his film.

He heard Roger greet Maureen and then introduce her to Herbert. Suddenly there was a squeal. "Oh my God, he's so freakin' CUTE!" Maureen was screeching. "Look at those eyes! Let me hold him Roger _PLEASE_?"

Five minutes later Roger came stomping out of the room, shrugging on his leather jacket as he went. "Where are you going?" Mark asked.

"To give this thing back to April's brother. If you think I'm going to listen to Maureen squealing and begging me to play with this rat all day, then you're crazy. He's not that great." Roger groused.

Mark chuckled. "But I thought you wanted to keep him, I thought you _loved_ him."

Roger held Herbert out to Mark. "You wanna keep him in your room?" he snapped. "Cause I'm all for that."

Mark took one look at the animal and its beady red eyes and shook his head. "Never mind." He said quickly. "You go ahead."


End file.
